met my old band when i came to my friend's funeral. who died is the drummer from dub etro, my old band - because of drugs. why most of my friends died because of drugs ? i know the answer's maybe they don't want to stop using it. and when i questioned myself how about me and drug ? it's one of my bad behave, on the past. i'm still taking sometimes when i miss it, no comment. let's just leave that behind. no more drug talk, it makes me paranoid even for a little

have benefited that i could come in contact with my old friends after the funeral, although our relation isn't so near like first when we were use to hang together. some of my friend know about me have accepted the contract from cult music for solo, but previously i have warned them all in order not to ask me that thing. then they enquired me, whether i still play guitar or not. i surprised - to hear their question. how about me and guitar ? i have seldom exercise, and i know once if i experience of a lot of retreating ably to have my guitar skill, on my way. since i accepted the solo that only rely on the voice and music which isn't so rely on the guitar, i never have time to exercise playing guitar because i'm too tired to idle this and to idle that

by my time returned to home from the funeral, i couldn't stop to think of me and guitar. all day long, i could't stop ponder about me and guitar. i have disregard - about my loving to guitar because i have the other work - what i cannot leave, and the money - absolutely could guarantee my family's life. i thought about it until i couldn't sleep. so, i tried to play guitar. i was in the room playing guitar, with little mezza, sitting beside me - sometimes watching, sometimes playing with his toys. after i finished playing guitar, i was weeping. holy fuck - why i become a sissy weeping in front of my little boy ? i can't play good guitar anymore, i don't like it. holy fuck - what's wrong that i'm not good anymore ? i thought, i have to find the way so that altogether return at me again. surely there are ways. momentary, i watched little mezza, holding my guitar. there's a thought - will he become like me later when he's my age ? now i know how parent think of their children's future. all - full of dread, cannot scale

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